Real, Fake News, Now!

Editor's Note

It has come to our attention that some subjects of our reports are considering taking us to court for slander.
Thankfully, these individuals are insanely wealthy and can buy a sense of humor once the concept of satire is explained to them by their overpriced lawyers.
One caveat in this situation.  The sense of humor should be subjected to a thorough background check to determine there has never been a breath of scandal, harassment or tawdry behavior in its past.

This last has been a paid endorsement for SASh.  Safe and Sane humor, LLC, offices in Buff Bay, Jamaica & Rum Point, Grand Cayman, C.I.

Real, Fake News, Now!

Volume: Who cares, Number: 11

A leak has been passed on to our intrepid reporters.  Both have received information from multiple, independent sources.

Jeff Bozos will be announcing he will be shutting down the Washington Compost as of December 31, 2017.  This will allow all involved to get insanely drunk for New Years Eve.
In plain language, Bozos is tired of propping up the money pit.  This will leave the NYT and LAT.  No offense to the Tribune or Sun-Times.
Bozos will be providing limos and buses to insure everyone makes it home safely.

Real, Fake News Now!

Volume: who cares, Number: One

Not an article, per se, just to let the folks know that the publisher is still around.  Nobody else is.
Can't run an operation like this without help.

In other news, seems Hilary Diane Rodham Clinton is looking for a gig similar to Obama before he occupied the White House.  Maybe she should have tried this after her time as First Lady instead of the Senate.

Nancy Pelosi seems to be one of the individuals receiving hers meds on the low down.  Another possibility is John Lewis.  As for the other side of the aisle, we have several possibilities.  McCain is on the way out, literally.  Orrin Hatch is one.

In international news, lots of earthquakes and volcanoes.

Thanks to all the folks who have looked at this blog.

Real, Fake News, Now!

Volume: Not So Grim, Number: Nine

Editor's Note: Geoff was previously a stringer for us.  With the Trump Administration shake up of the White House press briefings, he has been given accreditation, of sorts.  He is an official National correspondent, able to sit in on just about every presser imaginable given by the administration, including the White House, on a rotational basis.

Breaking News, Sort of

by Geoff Boggus

Today, Sean Spicer, White House press secretary, let slip the rumor of one of the former Presidents health scare was in fact true, however, he would not elaborate as to which one or the nature of the scare.  This is nothing new considering the ages of the two oldest alumni.  What is significant is a sudden news black out in the Palm Springs, Palm Desert, California area three days ago.

A colleague and fellow stringer, Jack Johansen, has provided background.  He has been conducting research for an investigative piece, soon to be published.  He had just arrived at the Palm Springs airport when he noticed two corporate jets known to be used at various times for the private travel of former Presidents.  He was able to learn two former presidents were going to be golfing at the Palm Desert Country Club, Tuesday, 1 August.  A number of celebrities, wealthy visitors, along with a flight crew member or two, had been overheard grousing about the course being closed most of the day for an 'irrigation problem'.

JJ was fairly certain who the two former presidents were, but wished to confirm and find out more between research and interviews for his piece.  He was driving around the perimeter of the course this past Tuesday, when he saw two, black SUVs tearing up what he later learned was a maintenance road toward the ninth green and tenth tee.  He was able to see people scrambling around lifting two persons from the ground and into each SUV.  He followed at a discreet distance until the SUVs split up.  The one he followed ended up at the emergency entrance for the Desert Regional Medical Center.  He guessed the other was headed to Eisenhower or Kennedy.

He drove on to Eisenhower.  Based on the activity he guessed the destination of the second SUV.  He shuttled back and forth trying to catch an EMT crew standing around waiting to be allowed back to their vehicles.  He was able to learn two males had been admitted in critical condition due to blood loss.  He later learned the former president at the regional center had been medically evacuated to Los Angeles that afternoon.  The second was evacuated that evening destination unknown .

I have tried to determine the whereabouts of the other former presidents.  No one has seen any of the five former chief executives since 9:00 am PDT, Tuesday.

Update: Sean Spicer has called a press conference with President Trump, no questions, for 8:00 pm.

Update: President Trump, "I regret to inform the nation one of our former presidents has died.  A second is in critical condition."  Press room erupts.  The president raises his hands.  "No, questions.  No, questions." The volume decreases dramatically.  "We are not providing details at this time because of national security.  We have provided extra security for the remaining three.  We have our national security services scouring the world to find out what happened, how and hopefully why.  We have very few details as the medical community is stumped at this time.  I can only ask the nation

to pray.  This administration will do its best to find answers and respond as appropriate.  All US flags will be flown at half staff until further instructed.  Thank you."

Update: Unnamed sources have indicated a former first lady has died along with a number of US citizens and foreign nationals.  A hemorrhagic fever rumor erupted overseas, but was quickly dispelled as the dead seemingly had no connections, in most cases, because of geographic disparity and known associates.

Reporter: Geoff Boggus
Researcher: Edith

Real, Fake News, Now!

Volume: Three, Number: Say, what?

Recovery

Editor's Note:  We had planned on publishing an interview with former Representative Nancy Pelosi, Democrat, representing California's 12th congressional district.  Sadly, the events of 21 July 2018, have taken an emotional toll.  We need not repeat here the devastating results of the earthquakes, and tsunami, that struck the west coast, and the resulting obliteration of numerous constituencies.

Our correspondent had hoped to get a personal 'highlights' piece.  He was saddened by her appearance, not a disheveled wreck, not a hair out of place, but a shell.  Her greeting had a hint of melancholy.  A few pleasantries were exchanged.  The response to the first question about her start in politics gave her pause.  She looked off in the distance.  Her reply?  "The word."  HC recovered and asked about the loss thinking she might need some release from the grief.  The reply the same.  Her last remaining aide brought a glass of water and placed Pelosi's hands around the glass.  She then ushered HC out of the office with her apologies.

With that Nancy Pelosi, citizen, disappeared.  HC tried to follow up, he was the last visitor on the security log.  The office had been closed along with a number of others.  Pelosi had been one of the last to leave.

We had not planned on reflecting on the disaster.  As yet no one has started speaking of recovery.  We do wonder how long it will be before it is spoken?  We wonder about the recovery of the human casualties.  We wonder about Nancy Pelosi, her former colleagues in Congress, the citizens both living and dead.

Real, Fake News, Now!

Volume: Still Grim, Number: Two

Editor's Note: We had planned to run an old chestnut considering Joseph Biden is making an exit, stage right.  Then we decided to run another piece by Cecile Humphreys prior to her holiday.  Change of plan again, we were going to run a biographical sketch of Cecile Humphreys and Cecil Humphreys mother who at the time was under the weather.  When you're in your nineties, approaching your centenary, people like to be acknowledged now and again.  Why wait to bury them with laudatory remarks, after they are gone?
Thankfully, Lydia Q is doing better.  We'll wait one week, and give ol' Joe a rousing send off instead.

Joe 'Buy Me' Biden, the Prince of Used Cars

Author/Editor's Note:  This originally ran back when we thought Joe was done for in politics after the Neil Kinnick affair.

Joseph Biden did not originally plan to enter politics.  His great desire in life was to become 'The King of Used Cars.'  For those who have never heard of this title, it began (many) years ago.  A fellow by the name of Cal Worthington gave himself the title.  As Cal's name and self promotion spread, those occupying the rarefied air of 'used cars' began to take notice.  This was before 'pre-owned', 'certified pre-owned' cars became a marketing ploy.

Joe Biden was starting out in the game when he came across the story of Cal Worthington.  Joe was hungry, driven to succeed.  He worked on the East Coast for an additional three years getting his 'patter' down.  He studied psychology.  He also put aside money in the unlikely event he failed.  Worthington had become a legend, and not in his own mind, during Joe's years of preparation.

Finally, the day came when Joe loaded up his late model Ford and headed West.  He ended up in Sacramento.  He worked the Sacramento valley.  He would go as far as he could go with each dealership starting out in sales, working his way up.  Some thought him a 'gypsy'.  Why jump from dealership to dealership when he could have easily settled down and made good money?  His standard reply, 'I want to be the Prince of Used Cars.'  What he didn't say was, 'I want to take over as King.'

He moved into the San Joaquin valley.  He worked the coast   He ended up in the Bay area and started doing commercials for the dealership of the year.  He took the stage name Joe 'Buy Me' Biden.  It was an instant success.  He was offered partnerships.  He started to invest as silent partner while gaining greater sales numbers.  He joined civic and other notable organizations.  He networked.  He literally became the Prince of Used Cars.  He set his sites on Southern California.  He got to San Diego and immediately fit right in.  He opened his own dealership and began working toward usurping Cal Worthington in dead earnest.

Those dealerships he was a silent partner in were sold off, changed hands or shut down.  Joe came out on the plus side for the most part.  He also bought out a few of the larger lots establishing himself as a brand in those markets he had previously worked.  All that hard work was paying off.

After fifteen years, he was just about to pull the coup and move into LA when the Oil Embargo hit.  He didn't have the 'economy car' inventory Worthington had to ride it out.  He had done well.  He cut his losses.  He didn't lose that much of what he had acquired.  But he has admitted privately, it took the wind out of his sails.  He was done with car sales.  The Prince abdicated.

Biden headed back home to the East Coast, wiser and heavier in the bank account.  It was by chance that an old friend suggested he enter politics on his return.  The rest, as they say, is history.

Real, Fake News, Now!

Volume: Grim, Number: One

Editor's Note: We are glad to announce the return of Nigel Cadwallider.  His ex-wife had much to  do with this.  We thank her.  To those in bureaucracies, do not come between an ex-wife and her alimony.

We will be taking a few days off to consider our future.  We have been approached by individuals who wish to invest in our operation.  This will allow us to expand dramatically.  Unfortunately, it will add a level of editorial control we have not had to deal with previously, however short that previously has been.
Be sure we will take our time to consider you our readership.
Then again, we may just sell out, take the money and run.