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Editor's Note:  Today we begin actual fake news.  Enjoy!

Billary's Love Child to Be Next UN Secretary General

A confidential source has revealed Helmut Gerhardt has been anointed dubbed the next Secretary General of the United Nations effective 1 October 2018.  This same source indicated that a number of changes will be forth coming to pave the way for Heir Gerhardt to assume the throne chair.

One particular change will leave some citizens perplexed, but will actually increase the efficiency of running the world, or rather the United Nations.  Through a series of mergers, acquisitions, and back room deals, the current 200 plus nations in the General Assembly will be reduced to a more manageable 159.
The remainder are considered minor technical details to be hammered out.

For those unfamiliar with Helmut Gerhardt, he was born 20 July 1972 in Berlin.  Although his birth parents are American, his adoptive parents were German.  His first name was the only stipulation made by the biological parents, a quirk of naming the child after some geographical designation.  In this case Helmutstrasse was the location of a now defunct pension.
His schooling was seemingly unremarkable, but quite varied.  It is rumored his adoptive parents, although diligent and frugal were financially unable to afford the eclectic path of young Helmut.  It is rumored that although his birth parents gave him up for adoption, they provided financial support and even procured placement at a number of schools and universities he attended.

Although there is no record of degrees awarded, he has a held a wide, and again eclectic number of positions throughout the European Union, finally ending up in Geneva working for the UN.  It has been difficult to verify his current position or past positions, for that matter, he is well regarded.  Some have gone so far as to describe him as an 'efficient technocrat'.

Helmut Gerhardt is not married, but has maintained a relationship with Angela Lemerk the past five years.  Ms. Lemerk was not available for comment.  Gerhardt has no known children.

By line: Cecile Humphries
Research: Niles Ridley

Editor's Update: It has come to our attention after the initial posting of this story, that Angela Lemerk has been found in a hotel room dead.  A maid, who discovered the body, overheard police investigators mention two shots to the chest and one to the head.  Initial reports from other media say it was a case of suicide.