Real, Fake News, Now!

Volume: Insanely Loud, Issue: Last this year.

Editor's Note: We regret to inform our readership, Nigel Cadwallider, crack researcher is not with us.  No, he hasn't passed away, started pushing up daisies, as it were.  No, we have lost his services, temporarily, we hope.  It has something to do with his 'not renewing his Green Card'.  He explained to the INS he did not, primarily, because he has been a United States citizen for the past twelve years.
His lawyer has kept us abreast of the difficulties.  He, Nigel, has been whisked away and unable to access his citizenship papers to prove his status.
We trust the bureaucracy will move quickly to restore Nigel to his home and office, such as they are.
Since this is a fake news repository a White House petition won't do any good.  We've had a fake for the past eight years.  Most folks don't know the difference between 'de facto' and 'de jure'.
At least 58 persons have committed fraud in 2008, so why expect things to change?

This just in.  Paris Piece Conference to be postponed.  French police with the assistance of the security services has uncovered a plot to smuggle in kippers from the UK.  With Brexit hanging in the judicial balance, French authorities are taking no chances in raising the ire of the EU president and assorted muckity-mucks.
'This is not tit-for-tat,' the President said.  He was referring to a minor flap regarding foie gras being blocked at Dover this past week.
The secret meeting of the 'Archons' of the 70 countries to have been in attendance, will still take place at an undisclosed location somewhere, possibly in this dimensional reality, the groups spokesperson let slip before exiting this temporal plane.

In other news griefs:
- PM Modi has told the irate citizens of India they won't really need cash anymore, as this is the last round on reincarnation.  Shiva will be doing his thing soon so Hindus can just while away their time waiting to be annihilated.

- Japan's Emperor will not be abdicating as rumors have indicated.  He plans to extend his reign to Mars, leaving his heir as regent for the now petty Earth.

- Citizens of New Zealand, those still alive, are considering an offer of asylum by the Sultan of Brunei.  The surviving Maori have indicated they will not abandon their ancestral homeland, what little remains after the massive earthquakes and eruption of the caldera at Lake Taupo.

- Maduro of Venezuela will not be stepping aside while having a sex change operation.  He reports, through his intermediaries, he will be conscious the whole time, to rule without interruption.

- A group of enthusiasts is starting a funding drive to have a statue of Tim Berners-Lee made and situated straddling the border of France and Switzerland.  This is a less ambitious plan than the original.  Marvel resisted 'spider silk' emanating from Berners-Lee's wrists ala Spiderman to represent the world-wide-web.

Cecil Humphires

Update:  Abbas and Ereket are said to be disappointed about Paris.  An unnamed source, said they were looking forward to the kippers as they were halal.