REAL, FAKE NEWS, NOW

Vol ?, Iss ?

My apologies for the hiatus.  With the explosion in 'fake news' it has been difficult to stay out of the pack.  We try to bring a unique and fresh perspective to fake news.  Sadly that has not been possible.  Having let our principle reporters and their researchers go, we or rather I the editor have decided to take a different tack for the time being.  At least I hope so.  Satire can be so cleansing to the mind.
With this in mind we or rather I will be moving in a slightly different direction.
We will be discussing some of the more esoteric ideas being bandied about.  Actually, they aren't that new but 'a new coat of paint, a bit of air freshener' and that old heap will look good as new.  Or as Phineas T Barnum supposedly said, "There's a sucker born every minute."
So sit back and relax, have a nice beverage of choice handy, a roll or two of paper towels within reach, and a large waste can close by as we delve into the 'new age, era, millennium, tired old claptrap recycled' for a new sucker, er, audience.

WE proudly introduce:  THE MASS !!!

We pause now for a commercial advert from our dwindling list of sponsors.

      Aunt Helen's Corn Junk
          from the kitchens of Ma Holmes, CEO, 'Aunt Helen's Fixins'
          (check us out at our web site www.aunthelens.biz)

In the beginning was the MASS, and it was a mess.
We don't know for how long as the MASS did not leave any records as to the length of time, whatever that meant to the MASS, it remained a mess.
At some point IT got tired of being a mess.
IT decided to organize ITself and proceeded to revert to a mess.
After a number of attempts, again no record, it stabilized ITself and took a short break.

After awhile the MASS got to thinking about a more substantive form to take.  Since fashion magazines had not been created yet, a Cosmic Cosmo or Universes Quarterly, it played around trying various forms of which none of those intermediates survive unless of course one holds to the 'many universes' or 'parallel dimensionalities".  This is beyond the scope of all known sources of media recording at this time.
The MASS took another break.

IT decided to present ITself, in whole or in part, we aren't sure, as a self-organizing, materialistic four dimensional space-time continuum with six or seven higher dimentionalities to play with, past, present or future.  To be determined (TBD).
Having accomplished this, IT took another break.

What the MASS needed was a PLAN.  Not having a calendar, or other means of organizing, IT played around with different ideas coming up with a mnemonic device to keep track of each plan.  Since IT didn't have much else to do, IT played with a seemingly endless number of ideas.  Endless.  Without end.  ETERNITY!.  Not having a dictionary yet, the MASS decided to also organize HIS words.
The MASS took a break

And so shall we.  Stay tuned for part 2 of THE MASS.

What is this, 'Real, Fake News Now!'?

Volume something or other, Number 1

We are a satirical sight.
We make fun of the pompous, the arrogant and other assorted brain dead humans.
We may have to warn any residents of France, this could become a verboten site.

Now, to the latest!

Michael Wolff
Who is he?
Does he have a real job?
Who does he sleep with?
Why should we care?
Actually, we don't.
Good-bye, please leave.
NEXT!

Real, Fake News, Now!

Editor's Note

It has come to our attention that some subjects of our reports are considering taking us to court for slander.
Thankfully, these individuals are insanely wealthy and can buy a sense of humor once the concept of satire is explained to them by their overpriced lawyers.
One caveat in this situation.  The sense of humor should be subjected to a thorough background check to determine there has never been a breath of scandal, harassment or tawdry behavior in its past.

This last has been a paid endorsement for SASh.  Safe and Sane humor, LLC, offices in Buff Bay, Jamaica & Rum Point, Grand Cayman, C.I.

Real, Fake News, Now!

Volume: Who cares, Number: 11

A leak has been passed on to our intrepid reporters.  Both have received information from multiple, independent sources.

Jeff Bozos will be announcing he will be shutting down the Washington Compost as of December 31, 2017.  This will allow all involved to get insanely drunk for New Years Eve.
In plain language, Bozos is tired of propping up the money pit.  This will leave the NYT and LAT.  No offense to the Tribune or Sun-Times.
Bozos will be providing limos and buses to insure everyone makes it home safely.

Real, Fake News Now!

Volume: who cares, Number: One

Not an article, per se, just to let the folks know that the publisher is still around.  Nobody else is.
Can't run an operation like this without help.

In other news, seems Hilary Diane Rodham Clinton is looking for a gig similar to Obama before he occupied the White House.  Maybe she should have tried this after her time as First Lady instead of the Senate.

Nancy Pelosi seems to be one of the individuals receiving hers meds on the low down.  Another possibility is John Lewis.  As for the other side of the aisle, we have several possibilities.  McCain is on the way out, literally.  Orrin Hatch is one.

In international news, lots of earthquakes and volcanoes.

Thanks to all the folks who have looked at this blog.

Real, Fake News, Now!

Volume: Not So Grim, Number: Nine

Editor's Note: Geoff was previously a stringer for us.  With the Trump Administration shake up of the White House press briefings, he has been given accreditation, of sorts.  He is an official National correspondent, able to sit in on just about every presser imaginable given by the administration, including the White House, on a rotational basis.

Breaking News, Sort of

by Geoff Boggus

Today, Sean Spicer, White House press secretary, let slip the rumor of one of the former Presidents health scare was in fact true, however, he would not elaborate as to which one or the nature of the scare.  This is nothing new considering the ages of the two oldest alumni.  What is significant is a sudden news black out in the Palm Springs, Palm Desert, California area three days ago.

A colleague and fellow stringer, Jack Johansen, has provided background.  He has been conducting research for an investigative piece, soon to be published.  He had just arrived at the Palm Springs airport when he noticed two corporate jets known to be used at various times for the private travel of former Presidents.  He was able to learn two former presidents were going to be golfing at the Palm Desert Country Club, Tuesday, 1 August.  A number of celebrities, wealthy visitors, along with a flight crew member or two, had been overheard grousing about the course being closed most of the day for an 'irrigation problem'.

JJ was fairly certain who the two former presidents were, but wished to confirm and find out more between research and interviews for his piece.  He was driving around the perimeter of the course this past Tuesday, when he saw two, black SUVs tearing up what he later learned was a maintenance road toward the ninth green and tenth tee.  He was able to see people scrambling around lifting two persons from the ground and into each SUV.  He followed at a discreet distance until the SUVs split up.  The one he followed ended up at the emergency entrance for the Desert Regional Medical Center.  He guessed the other was headed to Eisenhower or Kennedy.

He drove on to Eisenhower.  Based on the activity he guessed the destination of the second SUV.  He shuttled back and forth trying to catch an EMT crew standing around waiting to be allowed back to their vehicles.  He was able to learn two males had been admitted in critical condition due to blood loss.  He later learned the former president at the regional center had been medically evacuated to Los Angeles that afternoon.  The second was evacuated that evening destination unknown .

I have tried to determine the whereabouts of the other former presidents.  No one has seen any of the five former chief executives since 9:00 am PDT, Tuesday.

Update: Sean Spicer has called a press conference with President Trump, no questions, for 8:00 pm.

Update: President Trump, "I regret to inform the nation one of our former presidents has died.  A second is in critical condition."  Press room erupts.  The president raises his hands.  "No, questions.  No, questions." The volume decreases dramatically.  "We are not providing details at this time because of national security.  We have provided extra security for the remaining three.  We have our national security services scouring the world to find out what happened, how and hopefully why.  We have very few details as the medical community is stumped at this time.  I can only ask the nation

to pray.  This administration will do its best to find answers and respond as appropriate.  All US flags will be flown at half staff until further instructed.  Thank you."

Update: Unnamed sources have indicated a former first lady has died along with a number of US citizens and foreign nationals.  A hemorrhagic fever rumor erupted overseas, but was quickly dispelled as the dead seemingly had no connections, in most cases, because of geographic disparity and known associates.

Reporter: Geoff Boggus
Researcher: Edith

Real, Fake News, Now!

Volume: Three, Number: Say, what?

Recovery

Editor's Note:  We had planned on publishing an interview with former Representative Nancy Pelosi, Democrat, representing California's 12th congressional district.  Sadly, the events of 21 July 2018, have taken an emotional toll.  We need not repeat here the devastating results of the earthquakes, and tsunami, that struck the west coast, and the resulting obliteration of numerous constituencies.

Our correspondent had hoped to get a personal 'highlights' piece.  He was saddened by her appearance, not a disheveled wreck, not a hair out of place, but a shell.  Her greeting had a hint of melancholy.  A few pleasantries were exchanged.  The response to the first question about her start in politics gave her pause.  She looked off in the distance.  Her reply?  "The word."  HC recovered and asked about the loss thinking she might need some release from the grief.  The reply the same.  Her last remaining aide brought a glass of water and placed Pelosi's hands around the glass.  She then ushered HC out of the office with her apologies.

With that Nancy Pelosi, citizen, disappeared.  HC tried to follow up, he was the last visitor on the security log.  The office had been closed along with a number of others.  Pelosi had been one of the last to leave.

We had not planned on reflecting on the disaster.  As yet no one has started speaking of recovery.  We do wonder how long it will be before it is spoken?  We wonder about the recovery of the human casualties.  We wonder about Nancy Pelosi, her former colleagues in Congress, the citizens both living and dead.